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As a man, it can be superbly frustrating trying to find high-quality hemp products that suit the needs of a hairy, sloth-like creature like myself. Oh sure, there are plenty of pretty products out there for the ladies, but what about us? Don’t our scaly knuckles need moisturizing too?

Unwilling to lug my wife’s sparkly purple lavender moisturizer around any longer, I decided to go in search of men’s hemp products that would caress my stubborn needs (i.e. look manly enough to actually use) and not break my bank account. Without further ado, here are some of the best hemp products on the market today for the men out there:

Dr. Bronner’s Shaving Soap- $8.99

Say goodbye to that preservative-filled gunk you usually slather on your face and say hello to Dr. Bronner. Delightfully organic and fairtrade, you can now responsibly nourish, cleanse, and soothe those stubborn face hairs in a variety of manly scents. With ingredients like organic shikakai powder from India, this soap is as fun to say as it is to use.

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Malin + Goetz Hair Pomade- $22

Cannabis product enthusiasts will love this stuff. Made from meadowfoam and cannabis sativa seeds, this hemp-tastic hair accessory from Malin + Goetz will have you looking more dapper than George Clooney. Scientifically blended yucca and aloe vera extracts help keep your manly mane damage-free and protected throughout any hair-frizzing smoke session you can blow at it.

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Marley Natural Hemp Seed Lip Balm- $5

Bob Marley would be proud of you for trying out this Rastafarian lip balm from Marley Natural that contains 100% certified organic hemp seed oil and is paraben, sulfate, and cruelty free. For a mere $5, refresh your crackly lips and leave the next person in the “pipe line” wondering where that delicious taste of coconut and sunflower seed oils came from.

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Hempest Men’s Hiker Socks- $12.95

Now that your hair, face, and lips are covered, let’s take care of those feet. These bad-ass hemp leaf printed hiking socks from Hempest are made of a perfect blend of hemp, organic cotton, and poly-spandex to help you reach those peaks faster and more eco-responsibly than ever before.

Hemp is by far the best sock material because it wicks away moisture, keeps your feet stink-free, and naturally resists bacteria, mildew and mold growth. You might want to pick up more than one pair because you’ll still have to change your socks every day, you filthy animal…

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Hemp Protein Powder- $16.99

Get your workout in and pack those muscles full of protein with this gluten and lactose-free powder from Hemptopia. The second best part about this stuff is that you can put it on literally anything- power drinks, fruits, veggies, lazy roommates, you name it.

So what’s the first best thing about this powder, you might ask? According to the website, this product is something called “trypsin inhibitor-free” which increases protein uptake and- get ready for this- reduces flatulence. After all, there’s nothing worse than “that guy” who can’t control his butt trumpet at the gym.

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I mean seriously- do you even hemp, bro?!

 

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