The devastation of losing weed is strangely difficult to overcome. A positive correlation exists between the amount of cannabis that is lost or wasted and the level of stress inflicted upon the affected party. Resentment over canoeing joints or losing the last bowl pack to a breathy blow out before ignition lingers but causes no irreversible harm to the psyche. Still, for some the sound of a flushing toilet may invoke painful memories from decades ago of an angry adult knowingly asking—WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!—right before flushing the contents in question down the toilet only to see it float backup reminding them the joys of child-rearing.
Lengths at which people have gone in order to conceal their contraband from detection have been idiotic, infamous, ingenious and industrious. It’s totally valid to want to keep cannabis or other party favors out of sight from prying eyes and inquisitive minds. Whether looking for protection from theft, prosecution, punishment, unintended ingestion or depreciation on the asset obscuring the whereabouts of a stash is no joking matter.
When preparing to mask the contents of a drug collection it’s best to follow a few simple tenets for best results.
The first rule of Stash Club is you do not talk about Stash Club. By forgoing the urge to tell a sibling, lover, friend or co-worker the details surrounding any deceptions that may be perpetrated, paranoia can be limited to normal levels depending on the contents of the stash. Allowing anyone in on the secret is tantamount to treason of the soul.
Next step is to mitigate the smell of any offending participants before stashing. Today’s era of terpene rich flowers and concentrates are loud, in-your-face and unapologetic in their attack of the olfactory system, while DMT has a pungent and lasting—almost stink bomb-esque nose on it. The last thing anybody hiding drugs wants to hear is what’s that smell?
Depending on domestic situation and living arrangement methods and tactics for deception can differ greatly. The particulars of proper stashing etiquette for those who find themselves temporarily living in their parents’ basement because they’ve spent their entire bankroll on tattoos and travel is in stark contrast to that of somebody on their own with few friends or visitors which varies from the needs of somebody hiding their drugs from a significant other while simultaneously raising a family.
Old standby techniques such as taping a baggie of whatever to the back of pictures hanging on the wall or jamming a pill bottle inside the guts of a couch can still get the job done in a pinch but they lack creativity and decorum. Modern methods in security and camouflage have given the intrepid a new confidence when hiding the stash.
The most reliable and relatable approach towards misguidance is to hide verboten goods in plain sight. Concealment devices come in many shapes and sizes, offering reassurance and peace of mind to those who employ them. Hidden compartment furniture can be purchased for large amounts of money and won’t look out of place among West Elm and William Sonoma pieces while smaller diversion safes have been designed to look live everyday household items regularly overlooked during a routine search.
Perhaps one day we’ll all be free from the constraints of the War on Drugs but until then let’s all be thankful for the Brief Safe which gives every man, woman and child the opportunity to stash what needs stashing in a pair of dookie-stained tighty whities sure to avoid even the most discerning investigation.