Years from now, there will be a moment that scholars cite as the true arrival of the future. They will gaze upon this pivotal moment through their spectacles and exclaim, “Yes! This was the moment when humanity finally reached its full potential.”
Such a moment has arrived thanks to the app Push for Pizza.
Thanks to their collaboration with the Nikolas Gregory design studio, these pizza visionaries have developed the first pizza box that can be folded and transformed into a smokeable pipe.
Essentially, this is the biggest revolution in the field of pizza and marijuana since stuffed crust or the cross joint.
After creating Push for Pizza – an app that allows people to order pizza with one tap, and already revolutionary in its own right – the app’s team has tackled the monumental task of designing a box that can folded to form a “Pizza Pipe.”
Part of the cardboard box forms the sides of the pipe, while that little table thingy they put in the middle of the pizza (which I used to pretend was a tiny table for mice) acts as the bowl. Don’t worry: the table isn’t plastic like you’d find in your typical pizza box. It’s temperature resistant ceramic. They really did think of everything.
Future Nobel Prize winner and Push for Pizza co-founder Cyrus Summerlin has known the needs of the people for quite some time. “It is common to crave food when one gets high,” he reports. “It is also typical practice to order a quick pizza to satisfy this craving. We are aware of these trends and decided to combine these two interests in an actual product.”
What makes it even more impressive is that the materials come at no extra cost and are one hundred percent recyclable. Plus, if you’re careful enough with your lighter, the pipe should last a little while.
Though at this point only the prototype has been tested, us “za” freaks should see a limited run of the product in the near future.
If you ask me, the quicker Push for Pizza releases this Edison-esque invention, the better. As we all know, the pizza business is one filled with cutthroat business sharks and breadstick-reimagining idea people.
Naturally, there will be copycats who will try to pass this idea off as their own. What follows are my pitches for pizza plagiarists who will try to appropriate the pizza box pipe. If any of you readers have pizza mogul connects, hook a playa up.
Papa’s in the house and is getting everybody lifted with his new foldable box bong. Why a bong? It’s a more highbrow method for perhaps the highest brow pizza delivery chain.
There’s a reason why Peyton Manning bought a bunch of these franchises when he moved to Denver. It’s because he knows the box bong is coming. And it’s going to be huge. At the end of the day, you might not even need ol’ Mary Jane because you can just dab some of that utterly enchanting garlic butter sauce.
I can envision the commercials now: Better Ingredients, Better Ganja, Papa John’s.
First, they upped their crust game, now it’s high time they up their chron game.
They seem like the kind of pizza joint whose box could double as a gravity bong.
Think about it. Every time I’ve consumed a 5-5-5 deal by myself I’ve been near a sink anyway. This is just streamlining that process.
Step 1: Bring back those cool yurt-like buildings that once peppered suburban America. They have the potential to be the U.S. equivalent of Amsterdam’s coffee shops.
Step 2: Instead of stuffed crust pizza filled with mozzarella, shove in a bunch of primo canni-butter.
Step 3: Profit.
It’s not delivery: it’s disgusting. These guys would probably be peddling Spice in the frozen foods section.
Not that I have any qualms with DiGiorno, but microwavable stuff that is most likely potpourri spells trouble. So no cool pizza-cannabis innovations here.
Blaze Pizza is the latest frontrunner in the build-your-own pie craze currently sweeping the nation. It boasts itself as the Chipotle of pizza and is amazingly delicious. And their name is already canna-business friendly.
Sadly, I couldn’t think of anything creative for this one. Oh well.
All that being said, I think it’s safe to say we’re all looking forward to more groundbreaking work being done in the world of pizza pies. Until then, I’ll be knee deep in some Hawaiian. Both kinds.