If you’re a cannabis aficionado, odds are you’ve at least thought about trying to smuggle a bit of weed onto a flight or over state borders at some point. Taking a trip without your trusty green sidekick is like going to a dog park without your dog- everyone else is having fun, but you seem to be missing something.
On a recent trip to Florida, I considered bringing my own party favors from Colorado onto my rather short flight and pondered how one might get away with it. Luckily, I opted out of trying to jam a nug or two up somewhere dark and uncomfortable and it was a good thing because strafing the security line at the airport was an officer with a drug-dog, going person-to-person.
This prompted me to start searching for innovative ways that people have managed to smuggle cannabis through various ports of entry. Here are just a handful of the most outlandish methods people have resorted to getting our friend Mary Jane a one-way ticket:
An ass full of grass
Like a Trojan horse sneaking its way into enemy territory, some genius got caught trying to import nearly a metric ton of marijuana inside the hollowed-out statue of a donkey. Talk about looking like an ass…
Apparently stuffing Wii pads full of marijuana is not a good way to get drugs across the border, as one unlucky (or just plain dumb) perp found out. Officers probably became suspicious when the man was asked what his favorite Wii game was and he replied: “Smuggling marijuana, I mean- tennis?”
Cannons over the border
It’s no secret that some of the most ingenious methods of smuggling have occurred between the US border with Mexico, and this one is certainly no exception.
Likely taking cues from our favorite American pastime, Mexican smugglers got ahold of one of those nifty tee-shirt cannons and decided to launch their own “tee-shirts” over the border wall to cohorts waiting on the other side.
Word on the street is that border patrol agents only found out after watching numerous night games of “500” being played over the wall.
AC/BC Bud and Weedtallica
Chalk it up to the infamous 70s drug mule Howard Marks, also known as Mr. Nice, to come up with a way to get massive amounts of hash past prying eyes. Towards the end of his illustrious career, he was transporting shipments weighing up to 30 tons.
How did he do it, exactly? Well, creating fictional touring bands and stuffing their speaker cabinets full of drugs is one way.
Can I get that at Home Depot?
Definitely not the brightest bulb in the basement, some dude got caught with a garden hose reel loaded up with bricks of marijuana while trying to get across the border. I hope he kept his receipt.
Last but certainly not least, in June of 2009, a stoned surfer was busted trying to paddle his way onto US shores with a surfboard loaded up with more than 10 kilos of marijuana inside of it. How he managed to stay afloat is anyone’s guess, but I bet he caught the only wave going straight to prison for his outlandish attempt.